April 10, 2012

I was at home with I... . My brother was there too.
She was constantly criticizing my behavior, and she was also upset about something I had said. She was sitting on a brown cushioned armchair and I was sitting on one of its arms, although I felt as if I were sitting on her lap. Her hair was wet like if she had washed it just a moment ago. While caressing her hair, I kept trying to explain her the reasons why she shouldn't get upset about what I had said. She kept coldly staring at me, becoming more and more impatient about my explanation. I begun lacking words to reason with her.
...

Then we were walking on a big square at Nazaré. I wanted to show her the town. She was criticizing the way I dressed and walked. She told me I would never get a job acting like that. I felt really bad because I didn't know what was wrong with my appearance (she would never speak to me like this in reality). She told me I should use sports clothing and I replied I didn't want to because I had worn sports clothing for about 5 years during my teenage days; she was shocked to hear this and looked at me with disdain and disbelief. Then she suddenly decided to go elsewhere alone and I had no reaction. I stood there watching her go some other part of town.
It was getting dark and I couldn't find her. There was a lot of people in the streets, and all restaurants and bars had greenish yellow lights, and it was as if my eyes were blurry from steam. While I looked for her, wandering around the square, I frequently found friends and acquainted persons from a long time ago. They all mocked me for not being able to find her. They all jested about the fact the she didn't care the least bit about me.
It was night. One of them told me she was near the beach watching the fishmonger women playing a traditional Easter game consisting in trowing a tennis ball against a wooden box. I advanced in the direction they pointed and saw her from afar, gaily observing the women having fun. Or maybe I just imagined her.
... .  .   .

I woke up, sweating, anxious. I grow weary of these dreams...